Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
