i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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