Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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