youre lurking in front of me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
