So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
