Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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