I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
