Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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