You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
