All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
