Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
