"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
