i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
