At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
