I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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