You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
