Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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