Me too!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
