Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
