If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
