Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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