def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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