Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
