Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
