The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize