I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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