two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am midnight drunk by noon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
