You can't special order awesome
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
