oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
