I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
