My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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