it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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