Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
