Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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