Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
