Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
