is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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