rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
