I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
