Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
