At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
