there's paper in my vomit.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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