So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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