Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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