kristin has been a bad kristin
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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