it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
