I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize