It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i need some magic done to my vagina
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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