Will you blow on my dice?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
