dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
