guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
