Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just had sex on a roof
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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