I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
