I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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