I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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