Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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