She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
