i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
