He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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