Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
