i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
