Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
