god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Will you blow on my dice?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
